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User blog:Ultraviolets/Cam's Suicide (How I think it happened)
Okay, I wrote this because I need closure. I need to know how my Cammy bear died. I think this is how it happened, I'm not for sure. This is not the best, as I wrote it in 10 minutes. This is how it played out in my head: “You’re a psycho. You know, it just sucks Maya is gonna have to deal with it. And if you cared about her, at all, you would get out of her life now. Forever,” The words hit me like a ton of rocks. Tears started welling in my eyes. Zig might be an arrogant asshole, but he was right. If I cared at all about Maya, I would have to leave her. I was doing nothing but causing her trouble ever since I punched Zig in the face. I couldn’t help myself, he was flirting with MY Maya. He pushed me over the edge. I rubbed my arm. I had cut myself with my hockey skate the other night. I couldn’t take it. I got suspended because of Zig, causing me less time to hang with Maya because she would be at school. Dallas yelled at me. I was nothing to him. He treated me like the hockey prodigy, the only one who could bring the team to win. I was nothing but another point. I hated hockey. I hated it. Everyone kept pushing me to play it, because I’m apparently good at it. Why am I so good at something I hate? I started walking towards the greenhouse, leaving Maya’s happy meal on the steps. I had left my hockey bag there after practice. I put Hoot in there. I texted her,"I'm sorry, it's over," I can't believe I did that. Several kids passed me on the way, giving me questioning looks. I heard the whispers about the psychopath that went crazy on a defenseless kid. The voices clouded in my head, blocking out my thoughts and sight. It was that feeling again. The feeling that overwhelmed me. I wanted to cut. Just grab the blade and slice my arm. It was an easy way to release the pain. I jerked the bag up and walked into the greenhouse. I went to go grab my skate, but I grabbed Hoot instead. “Hoot…” I whispered. I hugged him. He smelled like Maya. Maya was my everything. Zig’s words kept screaming in the back of my mind. “If you cared about her, at all, you would get out of her life now. Forever.” Maybe I could end it this time. No. Stop thinking that Cam. You could never kill yourself. What would Maya think? I grabbed my skate. I put it next to my arm blade-down. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I slashed it back and forth. I felt the familiar ooze of blood running down my arm. Wait, something wasn’t right. It wouldn’t stop bleeding. I had cut the vein. I frantically started shouting for help, hoping someone would hear me. God, I’m such a screw-up. Pain engulfed my every thought. Emotional and physical. I was going to die today. Why did I do such a thing? Why did I cut myself? I’m so selfish. “I’m sorry, Maya,” I whispered to Hoot. I hoped someway, somehow, he could tell her. That would never happen. Stuffed animals can’t talk. Zig’s words kept playing. The blood kept draining out. I guess I was getting out of her life forever. I saw a white light. Now’s my time. I’d never see Maya again. I’d never see my world again. She was gone. I was gone. I’d protect her, watch her from heaven, be her guardian angel. Nothing could come between us now. I’d haunt Zig. Make him pay for doing this. He better keep his filthy hands off of her. The white light was getting brighter. I saw my grandmother’s face. She held out her heavenly hand. I smiled. I reached out, taking one final glance at Hoot. “I love you, Maya,” I whispered. I took my final breath as I grabbed my grandmother’s hand. Category:Blog posts